December GRG Connections

  Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Issue 18                                   Volume 18

AND BEST WISHES FOR HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the GRandS/GRG Staff at the PBC Cooperative Extension / University of Florida!

Appreciation and Affection

Excerpted from the Family Treasures Workshop by Drs. Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain

It is important that we express our appreciation and affection every day to the members of our families and people we love.  It is even more important to express appreciation and affection during the mad rush of the holiday season!

  • Appreciation means to show you think well of or value someone.
  • It also means to recognize someone gratefully and be fully aware of their value.
  • Affection is a tender, warm feeling.  It is an expression of liking or loving someone.
  • It is vital and very important that appreciation and affection be communicated.
  • By expressing appreciation we say to someone, “You are a person of worth.  I am interested in you and am aware of your positive qualities.
  • Appreciation enhances our self-worth.

Start or increase showing your appreciation and affection this holiday season.  Then keep putting them to work every day into the rest of 2013 by doing the following things:

  1. Write down ten things you like about your spouse.  Be specific.  No mixed messages like “I like you even though you’re sloppy.”  Try to appreciate your spouse for who he/she is, not accomplishments and what he/she does.
  2. If you do not have a spouse, try the same thing with your grandchildren, family members, or friends.
  3. Set a goal for yourself of giving one compliment per day to your spouse, grandchildren, family members, or friends.  Try to give six compliments a day.
  4. Practice random acts of kindness.  Do a chore that isn’t your job.  Help out when you haven’t been asked.
  5. Write a letter to a family member and tell them all the ways you appreciate and love them.
  6. Draw names for secret pals.  Don’t give gifts, but send notes of appreciation or do acts of kindness for one week.
  7. Practice giving and receiving compliments.  Resist the temptation to discount the compliment when it is given to you.

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

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A Jupiter Grandmother Marchman Act’s Her Daughter

I filed a Marchman Act against you this week. Tomorrow you will be served an order to appear in court on Thursday. You will be angry – I will be relieved. People who are not familiar with the situation tell me how “hard that must have been.” No.

What has been “hard” for the past 10 years, and this past year in particular is: Not hearing from you, not knowing if you are dead or alive, seeing you waste away to nothing, knowing that you are living in your car (while I climb into my warm bed at night), picturing you with a needle in your arm, overdosing by accident or design. Wondering who would call me to tell me that you didn’t make it through the night, knowing it wouldn’t be anyone you are with. Would it be a phone call, a policeman at the door? That’s what’s hard.

Tomorrow you will be angry, you will feel betrayed. You will be confused, anxious, frustrated, afraid ..very afraid. You won’t know what will happen next. Believe me when I tell you that I know all those feelings. I have been living with them for years, on this roller coaster ride that I never purchased a ticket for. Neither did your children.

I have tried every angle I know to try to turn the tide for you.  I cajole, I yell, I cry (a lot). I give up, I try again. I watch you spiral toward death and I pray (a lot). The needles and the pills have taken your choices away. They are more powerful than me, your children, your full intentioned promises.

And through all of this I must maintain some normalcy in front of the children. I try to provide stability, structure, shelter and love … lots of love,  for these innocent souls who didn’t ask for this either. I try to answer questions that have no answers. And we pray .. a lot.

And so, this is the last thing I know to do FOR you, (not TO you). I will beg the judge to give you one last chance. I will pray that you will make the most of what is being offered to you. Oh, how I will pray.

For information on the Marchman Act:  http://www.mypalmbeachclerk.com/faq/mentalhealth.aspx#marchman

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Disclaimer:  This publication is provided for informational purposes only as a public service.  Palm Beach County (County) does not endorse any company or entity, product or service referenced herein, nor does it assume any liability for the accuracy of the information provided.  The opinions expressed within the articles are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the County’s policy, opinions or view points.  The County presents content as objectively as possible to ensure accuracy of information.  However, the County is not liable to the viewer as a result of any claim, loss, damages or expenses, direct or consequential, suffered by the viewer due to their reliance or use of the information in this newsletter.

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